its a little bit funny

So, I just needed where to vomit everything again, kind of mind blowing that's 11 months ago I needed it for my 2024.

Same old story, meds are not working, feelings are all over, cognitive shutdown, barely feeling alive.

Lost my last call with the guy I love, let's be honest with my diagnosis its my fault one way or the other.

The symptoms are quite special on this run:

I can't regulate temperature

I feel everything too much (too much rage, empathy, nostalgia) if im not crying im breaking something

I can't think, remember or even perform basic things without some sort of delay or derailment

I can't get aroused, libido on the basement

and of course, when this happens I just want to.... you know, even writing it scares me, like it would solve a lot, but then I see a Chow Chow puppy and I want to get one, and by the laws of biology and physics I have to be corporal.

I dont even know what I need, cause there's no real stability when you have to adjust your meds everytime your body throws a tantrum.

a hug, but without any other subplot, just the hug.

Sept 2026?

Listen to the man

I feel your head resting heavy on your single bed
Siento tu cabeza descansando pesada en tu cama de una plaza
I want to hear all about it
Quiero escucharlo todo
Get it all of your chest, oh
Sácalo de tu pecho

I feel the tears and you're not alone, oh

Siento las lágrimas y no estás solo

When I hold you, well I won't let go, oh

Cuando te abrazar, no te dejare ir

Why should we care for what they're selling us anyway?
Porque nos debería importar por lo que nos venden?

We're so younger than you know, whoa

Somos más jóvenes de lo que crees

You don't have to be there, babe

No debes estar ahí, bebe
You don't have to be scared, babe

No debes estar asustado, bebe
You don't need of plan of what you wanna do

No necesitas un plan de lo que quieres hacer
Won't you listen to the man that's loving you

Porque no escuchas al hombre que te está amando

Your world keeps spinning and you can't jump off

Tu mundo sigue girando y no puedes saltar
But I will catch you if you fall

Pero te atraparte si te caes

I can't tell you enough

No puedo decírtelo lo suficiente
I hate to hear that you're feeling low

Odio escuchar que te sientes caido
I hate to hear that you won't come home

Odio escuchar que no volverás a casa

Why should we care for what they're selling us anyway?

Porque nos debería importar por lo que nos venden?

 
We're so younger than you know, whoa

Somos más jóvenes de lo que crees
You don't have to be there, babe

No tienes que estar ahí, bebe
You don't…

No debes...

TRADUCIR AL ESPAÑOL

the thing is

I got a late in life psych diagnose, I'm many 3 different letters of the alphabet.

The thing is putting a name to and treating correctly the something that fucked you up all your teens and adult life is great, you get to identify and treat (there is no solution to psych diagnosis just treatment, like HIV, you have to learn to live with it)

What not many people tell or explains is that for so many years you develop hiding yourself, cause you feel different, don't want to create drama or worry anyone; that when you can actually tell the difference between 'im ok' and 'i feel like shit' you are programmed to hide it, even from the people you are paying to treat you.

I have borderline personality disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and general anxiety disorder, at least those are the headlines. BPD, ADHD, GAT I should looked up in the stock market and buy.

Most people understand or relates the high and down of drugs, where you get high and the drug fulfills it's effect, but when it gets processed you get down and crash. What is not usually explained is that the same effect happens to psych meds, but with the drawback that is not just when the drug is processed, when your body starts to assimilate and your brain goes back to its usual malfunction it crashes you too.

I'm really happy I got diagnosed, I'm really happy I found meds that work for a while, but I'm just tired of having to keep controlling my every behaviour, if I'm shaking, if I can sleep, if I'm down, up, if Im foggy, if I have spasms; it's mind numbing to have to control everything just to try and be ok, not even happy, just ok.

My head came out wrong, It's broken and the only way to make it not wanting to kill myself is through a quite aggressive handful of pills, that has to be checked cause if I get too much toxicity is, funny enough, deadly. But if Im not taking enough it does not work and then I just want to kill myself just because my brain gets blood and it's "working".

No sé cómo hace la gente que no tiene diagnóstico para vivir, no los envidio porque no se que enfrentarán día a día; lo que si se es lo que enfrentó yo y la verdad que agota, tener que controlar, estar pendiente, pedir ayuda, entender que si no pido ayuda no cambia nada.

Sometimes I just want to drift, in my dreams where I can just see what I want to see and feel what I want to feel.

crumbling down

Like the mountain traverse by the river

Slowly being eroded away

That's the feeling of depression

It does not matter how much effort or strength you put

You end up being eroded away to the core

Until you are just a hollow shell

Fighting to stay standing on rotten foundations

It's been so much time

I did what i could

I stood as much as possible

There's nothing left to erode nor to stand on

Hollow, empty, devoided of will

Bittersweet memories

Algunas cosas parecen al azar
Todo parece inconexo y sin motivo
Hasta q aparece ese recuerdo
Qué une Todo con un hilo plateado
Qué te hace dudar de Tu semblanza
Qué te sacude y hace temblar las piernas
Como es qué eras tan infeliz si vivieron cosas asi
Como se pudo terminar si con solo verse sonreian
Como dejaste qué se fuera
Como te quedaste solo

Shell

Life is no more than actions after action
With no other meaning then the action itself
We look for guidance and fulfilment in a world that's only void
Pleasures there are plenty, but all of them are fleeting
Where we can we try and latch ourselves to what we think will keep us afloat
Work, love, religion, all and any are good excuses to numb the reality
To blind us to what it is intead of what we need to be
The void fill us, eat us wholes but we try and fight it
Some with ignorance, hiding behind a wall of their own making, thinking that if I don't see it it's not real
Other like me we live continuously on that void trying not to be swallow, but each day is more difficult, each time more desperate
I envy the ignorant ones, they are happy in their own way, they don't care to understand reality, much less to accept it
But for some it is quite impossible to cover our eyes and lie
Life itself it's not worth living, all you will experience it's just a way to t

Rolling in the deep

There’s a fire starting in my heart
Hay un fuego naciendo en mi corazón
Reaching a fever pitch,
Llegando a un punto culmine
It’s bringing me out the dark
Me saca de la oscuridad
Finally I can see your crystal clear
Finalmente te puedo ver claramente
Go head and sell me out and I'll lay your shit bare
Adelantate y vendeme y sacare tu mierda a la luz

See how I leave with every piece of you
Ve como te dejo con cada una de tus piezas
Don’t underestimate the things that I will do
No subestimes las cosas que hare

There’s a fire starting in my heart
Hay un fuego naciendo en mi corazon
Reaching a fever pitch,
Llegando a un punto culmine
And it’s bring me out the dark
Y me saca de la oscuridad

The scars of your love remind me of us
Las cicatrices de tu amor me recuerdan a nosotros
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
Me tienen pensando que casi tuvimos todo
The scars of your love they leave me breathless
Las cicatrices de tu amor me dejan sin aliento
I can’t help feeling
No puedo evitar sentir
We could have had it all
Que podriamos haberlo tenido todo
Rolling in the deep
Rodando en la profundidad
You had my heart and soul
Tenias mi corazon y alma
And you played it
Y tocaste
To the beat
Al ritmo

Baby I have no story to be told
Bebe no tengo historia que contar
But I’ve heard one of you
Pero escuche una de ti
And I’m gonna make your head burn
Y hare tu cabeza arder
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Piensa en mi en las profundidades de tu desesperacion
Making a home down there
Creando un hogar alli
It Reminds you of the home we shared
Me recuerda del hogar que soliamos compartir

The scars of your love remind me of us
Las cicatrices de tu amor me recuerdan a nosotros
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
Me tienen pensando que casi tuvimos todo
The scars of your love they leave me breathless
Las cicatrices de tu amor me dejan sin aliento
I can’t help feeling
No puedo evitar sentir
We could have had it all
Que podriamos haberlo tenido todo
Rolling in the deep
Rodando en la profundidad
You had my heart and soul
Tenias mi corazon y alma
And you played it
Y tocaste
To the beat
Al ritmo

We could have had it all
Que podriamos haberlo tenido todo
Rolling in the deep
Rodando en la profundidad
You had my heart and soul
Tenias mi corazon y alma
And you played it
Y tocaste
To the beat
Al ritmo

Throw your soul through every open door
Tira tu alma a traves de cada puerta abierta
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Cuenta tus bendiciones para encontrar lo que buscas
Turned my sorrow into treasured gold
Convierte mi dolor en atesorado oro
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow
Me devuelves en especias y cosechas lo que siembras

We could have had it all
Podriamos haberlo tenido todo
We could have had it all
Podriamos haberlo tenido todo
It all, it all it all,
Todo, todo, todo
We could have had it all
Podriamos haberlo tenido todo
Rolling in the deep
Rodando en la profundidad
You had my heart and soul
Tenias mi corazon y alma
And you played it
Y tocaste
To the beat
Al ritmo

We could have had it all
Podriamos haberlo tenido todo
Rolling in the deep
Rodando en la profundidad
You had my heart and soul
Tenias mi corazon y alma
And you played it
Y tocaste
To the beat
Al ritmo