Him

Sometimes I feel like if everything in the world worth nothing, then I remember him; I remember our moments, those tender moments, when everything is nothing, when the only thing that I care of is him, every breath he takes, every heartbeat I feel.
When we hug, when we kiss, when there’s nothing else than he and I, when the world is just the space we occupy, and everything around us doesn’t matter; there is when I realize that maybe, just a little bit, I’m deeply in love of him.
Little things make me think that I’m right.
Things such as hearing a song and think about him, or think about him and smile, be happy, just cause he exist, I might be a little bit cursi, but that’s the way I feel.
I feel that life doesn’t worth it without him, I feel that everything is brighter with him, I feel complete with him around.

You know, the downside of this is, that this is a one way road, there’s a giving but not a receiving.
I know he cares for me, I know what he feels for me, and that’s why I just don’t want him to be attached to me, cause love is cruel, cause life is unfair, cause I prefer not to suffer.
Shit! Life is such a bitch.
When I start talking like this he just hug me strong and just that, a hug, a kiss or just feel him by my side makes me different, makes me feel that I care, that there’s something to go on for. Fuck I need him badly, I want him badly.
If he just could get that through his head, if he just could understand that the future is not set, that time changes everything. We are not going to live together, he is going to find someone that’s going to spin his head, that will change him, and he will forget, or remember, everything I said to him, after all I’m the one who push him to find someone to fall in love with.

Life never give us what we want or need, just gives you what she wants, and well we try to do the best we can with that, some can do more than others; there’s also those who gives up before the match ends, those who throw the towel, to those like me I said “hold it till you now there’s no way to be happy”.

I’m not giving up yet, I’m just on the edge, I’m giving myself a few more months, I’m buying some time, for what? Just to go as I want, after doing everything I know I had to.
So, farewell, this isn’t a goodbye, is just a see you soon.
Where? Who knows.
Greyman.